Hi there!

Hi there! Welcome to my corner of the internets. I'm a 26 year old therapist, photographer, and shop owner currently living in Seattle, Washington. My online spaces are educational and lifestyle accounts dedicated to educating, engaging, and empowering women through digital art, home design, and travel.... with a touch of humor and personality sprinkled throughout. Stay a while!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

he never will be anything but a boy at the bar

There is officially nothing left to photograph in my room. I guess I've gotta start taking my camera places again.

Back in the day, my thought process was this:
that male looks interesting
from my SFA (stalk from afar) i've gathered he is a non-douche
i would like him to contribute to my life
*start conversation*

Now in the day, my thought process is this:
that male looks interesting
he's probably married
*ring check*
he's probably engaged
*desktop check*
he probably has a serious girlfriend who just isn't his background because he prefers savoring her face for special moments and chose extreme sports as his desktop because that isn't as special to him
ok maybe he doesn't have a girlfriend
i am a freshman so he wouldn't date me
i don't even know how to speak with men
he's a man
i have to date men now
unless i date premies (pre-missionaries)
but i don't want to, so i am going to speak with this male
*male speaks incredibly intelligent sentence containing the words "tolstoy" and "society" and adjusts his glasses*
i need to get educated
i am a child here

That's honestly the only way I can describe it. I've come to the conclusion I am scared of people now. I avoid eye contact when walking opposite directions. I sit in the back row. I read my Stephen King at all times.

It's almost creepy.

You know what though? These people aren't that scary. And when I really think about it, I've met some great people. There's Avery from Michigan in Psych 101. He had a great handshake and conversation. Oh, not to mention the goth before that. There was Roller Blade Boy in Current Social Problems. He had great hair and was awkward, but nice. The Ideal Husband. Daniel in Book of Mormon. The Swedish Fish Asian in Geology. Natalie in Sculpture. 

I mean, all of those people were very friendly. I think our problem is we want people to come 100%. And people aren't going to come 100%. I mean, I'm definitely not going to go 100% for anyone. Unless they can sing like Amy Winehouse or look like Adam Brody.

I know it's stupid, but I need to work on EYE CONTACT. I never make it. Never. Especially not with strangers, which is like, the sign that you are allowing someone to talk to you. If you walk in a room and there are two empty seats, you are more likely to sit next to the girl who is looking at you than the girl who is reading Stephen King in the corner. That's just a fact.

And I'm not trying to say that I'm desperate for more meaningless interactions, I'm just trying to say that I should try. I mean, the majority of the friendships I have right now would have never happened if I wouldn't have taken some initiative.

So, friday's goals:
+make eye contact when passing strangers, if it's necessary (editors note: Complete.)
+don't be a loser (editor's note: One quarter complete.)
+friendly hostess (editor's note: Apparently that job was just "trying me out" for ten hours. I still don't know if I got it. Weirdness of the world.)
+eat a hostess cupcake (editor's note: I discovered grocery shopping is from hell. Needless to say, no hostess pastries have been consumed.)
+make a new friend at the rooftop (editor's note: I didn't get to go. I was being "tried out". I hate humans.)
+check out what the muse after party is all about (editor's note: Oh hey. Yeah, I didn't go to this either. Instead we chatted at my friend's apartment and then went to Cafe West and talked on the benches. It was quite enjoyable.)

Yay. That's it. In all reality, Stephen King is just a wonderful writer. Go grab yoself a copy of "'salem's Lot". And while you're at it, please explain to me why it has an apostrophe in front of the "s".

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Monday, September 3, 2012

i'm loving him a little bit more each day

+Station 22
+open mic night at Muse

I've got nothing profound to write today.

I watched some Felicity and ate a soft pretzel.

I drank some Diet Coke and ate Jalapeno Cheetos just like the HSD. (High School Days).
I bonded with Trixie and spoke with my mother.
Other than that, my human interaction was fairly limited.

I'm off to classes tomorrow. Let the social experiments begin.


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P.S. The title never corresponds with the post, but it does with life. Figure it out. Winner gets a surprise package in the mail.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

ghost of a good thing

I have no pictures to go along with this, and I apologize.

I've been watching a lot of Awkward. lately, and it inspires me to be more "Jenna" about my blog, which I think is a good idea. The only problem is that three people know about it, which defeats the point of it being secretive, but whatever. Honestly, at this point I don't really care. I am about to speak my mind about everything, and if that offends any of you three, I sincerely apologize. I think you are all awesome people, and I am not mad at any of you, so... yeah. Read at your own risk, I guess

I have decided that I am meant to be alone. I mean, I decided this yesterday, but I did a social activity last night and tonight, so now I'm doubting that decision. But, I don't know. It just seems like I'm always alone; at least when it comes to big things

I think it would just be easier if I were in a place where everyone else was alone, like Seattle or Salt Lake or some other city. But, everyone here has roommates. So, it's like it's them: and then me. I don't mind though. I'm not scared of the people here. I'm scared of the people in my classes, but not the people here. 

I know it's my fault though. If I really wanted to, I could go next door to #2217 and take part in the dampened conversation I'm hearing through the wall. But, I don't want to. For some reason. If I really wanted, I could have stayed home last night and seen if the boys came over in black tie attire to play mini golf. But, instead I went to the Story Telling Festival. And shook hands with a 21 year old who asked if he "got my wrist". I don't even know what that means. I could actually hold eye contact with people I meet, and take my head out of my Stephen King on my way to class, and in the few minutes before class starts as I sit in the back row, but I don't.

So, all of this is self inflicted. Which leads me to one thought. Which side of the fence am I on? Am I just wanting to complain about not having a set group of friends? Or do I actually want a set group of friends? 

At the beginning of the summer, I sort of had one. But, that all fell apart. And you know what? I'm glad it did. I mean, I like all those people, but that friend group wasn't right. I don't drink or do drugs, and I'm not bashing anyone for doing those things, but I don't do them. Those parties aren't fun to me like they're fun to other people, and my idea of fun things aren't fun to other people like they are to me. It's just the way people work.

I feel like I need to find friends who are more like me. Who like to go to concerts at Velour and watch people dance awkwardly, and go on midnight walks, and play stupid games, and watch 2 star movies we know are going to be terrible, and make interesting foods, and do completely embarrassing things just because there is nothing else to do. I want friends who will come have dinner with me and hang out with me on the weekends and walk with me to class and meet up with me in the in-between.

The world doesn't hate me enough to withhold those people from me. So, you know what? I'm going to find them. That's my goal for this year. I am going to find a set group of friends. Like Friends or Awkward. or Dawson's Creek. We are going to have meet up places and common interests and I'll make up for all those things I missed out on in high school and junior high. 

I have the rest of forever to relish in my solitude, but I only have right now soak up my freshman-ness and make the most of this moment.

Wish me luck, world.


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