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Hi there! Welcome to my corner of the internets. I'm a 26 year old therapist, photographer, and shop owner currently living in Seattle, Washington. My online spaces are educational and lifestyle accounts dedicated to educating, engaging, and empowering women through digital art, home design, and travel.... with a touch of humor and personality sprinkled throughout. Stay a while!
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts

Monday, March 16, 2020

And... *Almost* Everything Shuts Down

I took these photos yesterday, on March 14th, 2020. 

Just 2 weeks ago I was hearing about people at Life Care center in Kirkland, 20 minutes from my home in Seattle, testing positive for COVID-19. I was on my way to dinner at my uncle's house, where I had a panic attack that things were going to escalate and throw us into social chaos. I spent the drive home cradling a Tupperware of lasagna and convincing myself things were going to be fine. 

I went to work the next day and talked with my boss about the spreading virus and whether or not we needed to do virtual sessions. She ensured me it wasn't something we needed to worry about yet. I checked my therapist Facebook groups, where other therapists preached us needing to be "there" an d "consistent" with our clients during this time. I went to therapy where my therapist suggested I challenge my "safety strategies" of wiping and sanitizing everything in between each client. 

Two weeks ago, Seattle was aware but not concerned. Everyone living their lives as close to "normal" as possible.

Now, two weeks later:

All restaurants in Seattle have closed.
All schools have closed.
All churches have been cancelled.
All universities are online.
All gatherings 50 people and over have been prohibited. 

In just two weeks.


We were going to walk around Green Lake yesterday, before the restaurants were mandated to close. We were thinking that it would be near empty, but it was a sunny day in Seattle and everything was packed.

There were people eating at the lakeside restaurants, laughing and enjoying cups of coffee on the patio. Like we aren't about to overwhelm our healthcare system with more sick people than they can treat, leaving people to die for no good reason other than there aren't enough ventilators. 

Hours later all restaurants were mandated to close., 

Later that night,, I posted on my Instagram stories about how right now what's best for the pubic health (staying home) is in direct conflict with what we want for our mental health (going out with friends, going in to therapy, etc.). I've received countless DMs of people complaining about the ways staying in will effect them negatively. And yeah, it sucks. I get it. 

The way I see it is: 

Us sacrificing our paychecks, our parties, our trips, 
us taking on a little bit more anxiety, a little bit more depression, a little bit more loneliness, 
is worthwhile suffering if it's going to save the lives of others. 

America's ability to be selfless is being put to the test right now. And so many of us are failing. Trying to squeeze in one last dinner, one last movie. Saying it's "too hard" for us to not see our therapists in person, to go to our yoga classes, to take the financial cut of no work for a few weeks (no, you won't get evicted). We don't get an immediate reward from staying home. We don't get an applause or the immediate gratification of knowing what we did made an immediate difference. 

And it is hard. I want to validate that. No one is arguing that any part of this is easy. 

But isn't an overwhelmed medical center with people dying harder? Isn't your grandparents needing medical treatment, but not getting it because there isn't enough room at the hospital harder? That's the reality that we face if we continue to go out amidst the CDC's recommendations of social distancing. 

The actions we take now will directly impact the outcome of this virus in 2 weeks. There is no rewind button to erase our actions if this thing blows up in our faces. Just funerals and bodies and regrets for not acting quick enough, for not being cautious enough. 

So, I guess that's where I leave this. Continually begging Americans to stay the fuck home. If there's ever a time for me to use the "f word" on my blog, here it is! The official first "f word". 

Your paycheck can wait. Your party can wait. Your life, as you know it, can wait. Is your to-do list, your wants, your priorities really more important than someone's life? I mean, is honestly anything more important than someone's life??

Pretend like you are having to choose between your bank account or your grandparent's life; because you are.

The only thing harder than having to lose a paycheck or two is burying your loved ones for a virus you could have helped prevent, but chose not to. 

And I do hope this stings because America needs the wake up call. We need people scared, because fear takes actions that calm doesn't. And we need the anxiety right now.


P.S. This is harsh, but we are literally in a pandemic.

P.P.S. Don't hoard food or supplies.

P.P.P.S. Ok you can still go outside to hike or walk (to my understanding), just maintain 6 feet from  other people.

Thursday, November 15, 2018

The Real Reason I Will Never Move Back To Utah

Writing these long, heartfelt posts is so hard for me haha. I always feel like they end up unorganized or too personal for the internet, and then I delete them. So, however this turns out: I'm keeping it.

(Also, this is very censored, so if you want to know specifics just message/text/email me. I don't bite.)

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For the longest time, I have tried to explain to people why I don't like living in Utah. It has NEVER gone well. Most of the time I just come off sounding like a jerk and unintentionally offending people. (Duh, Emmy. You can't complain about living in Utah to people who have chosen to live in Utah.) So, I eventually started bottling up all my feelings and thoughts and resenting those around me for not being easier to talk to. However, now I realize I just wasn't phrasing it in the right way. So, here goes. This is the real, honest, blunt reason I don't like Utah and will never move back:

I can fit in, but I don't belong.

Fitting in is the ability to observe your surroundings and be who you need to be. Belonging is the ability to be your true self and be accepted for it.

In Utah, I became The Master Of Fitting In.  The problem with being The Master Of Fitting In is this: IT'S EXHAUSTING. Can you imagine being at a fancy dinner party where you have to be on your best behavior for 40 hours a week? Ugh. No thanks! I knew I was different from a lot of the people around me when I was 16. I became more and more irritated and tired of "social events". It wasn't because I didn't love the people who were inviting me, it was simply because I couldn't be who they wanted me to be. I felt like they wanted Charming Emmy, and not the real Emmy.

Sometimes I can give people Charming Emmy. Sometimes it's fun and sometimes I have the energy to be her. But, after living in Utah for so long and having to channel her so much, I just stopped having the energy. I started being myself more.

Since moving to the east coast, I can finally say I belong somewhere. (There are other places I could belong too, probably!) And it's just a great feeling. I don't want to get into the specifics of what's different here than in Utah, but I just feel like I can be who I am here and no one cares. A safe example is makeup: In Utah I would NEVER go out without makeup. Here, I go out without makeup alllllll the time. You can walk around in sweats and no one looks twice because they don't care haha.

It's been the greatest thing to know that I can just be, ya know? I feel so free. Which sounds corny and stupid, but it's true. I am just free to be who I am, who I've always wanted to be.

And that's the greatest feeling in the world. 

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Saturday, November 26, 2016

Everyone Must Belong Somewhere

Every time I'm on an airplane I listen to Bright Eyes. Every time I listen to Bright Eyes I think a lot about where my life is and how far I am from where I want to be.

I don't know where I want to live when J is done with his MBA and we are ready to buy a house. I don't know if living in New York City is worth it if you don't have a car to explore all the beautiful places in the northeast. I don't know if it's worth it to live in a boring rural area if you can only take 2 trips a year.

Sometimes I think about all of this and I feel like I need to have it all figured out right now. It doesn't matter that I haven't even started my master's degree, or that J is still a year out from even applying to his MBA program. It just feels like I need to know where we are going to settle down.

But then I remember that I did move out of Utah. I did live in New York City over the summer, and even though it wasn't everything I thought it would be, it helped me learn what I want. I know I want a cute little house with a backyard for our Bernese Mountain Dog. I know I want a car so I can explore ever inch of my surroundings. I know I want to live next to a city so I can stay entertained. I know I want a lot of options for weekend trips and I want the to be affordable.

When I remember all of this I remember that I can get this in the northeast. I remember that I have already decided I want to live here forever. And even though that isn't a specific city or state, it's a specific area of the United States.

And it's one step closer to being settled than I was before.

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Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Life Outside Of Utah


Sorry if I've already posted this photo. I have this weird thing where I can't post just text and be ok with myself. #problems

I just wanted to jot down a few thoughts about my life outside of Utah so far, for the future me to look back on and reminisc. The feeling I have right now is a good feeling, and I don't ever want to forget it.

I moved to Utah when I was 2 and didn't move out until earlier this year. When I was 16 I started to get this itch to move. It's weird to think of how angsty and depressed I was for all those years, just imagining my life outside of Utah and feeling like it was so far away. And now here I am, all moved out and my thoughts are pretty much what I thought they would be.

It's been weird but good. When we first moved I was panicking about dumb stuff like safety and natural disasters. And I would talk to J like maybe we would move back to Utah. But now that we have been in our New England home for a month or so, I'm feeling a lot more settled.

Utah will always be an important part of my life, but I think it will always be my past. I just can't see myself living there again. I can't pinpoint exactly what it is. The best way I can think to describe it is I just feel like I am free to be myself here. No one and nothing in Utah ever told me I couldn't be myself, but I don't know. It just always felt like I couldn't.

It's weird too, because there are all these little things about Utah that I feel like I did realize were Utah-specific. Like, it's SO safe there. So so so safe. Also there aren't any natural disasters other than that crazy huge earthquake that is supposed to kill everyone. Everything is centered around the freeway pretty much. People are really nice and neighborly. Also it's really clean and new. Like all the trees are so baby because they were literally just planted within like the last ten years haha.

It's just a good place to live! Not for me, but for a lot of people. And now I feel like I can finally understand that.

- - - - -

Now here I am, living in New England and finally obsessed with where I live. Don't get me wrong, I liked New York for a minute, but here we can afford to live in a luxury building. I'm finally going to the gym. I have my closet room back. We have a door on our bedroom and it's just good.

And we're traveling to all these places just over the weekend and it's so cool to me that everything here is so close. I mean I drove to Boston and back in a day?! Like what is this life I have where I can just wake up, go to Boston, and be home again before 10? And I can take a train into New York City for like an hour and a half? I don't know. It just feels like the world is at my fingertips at last.

I'm just really happy with where we are at. It feels so good to be making our own way and really sealin' the deal as a family unit. Even if we aren't here forever, I am so glad we are here for now. It feels like the perfect place for us to be.

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Wednesday, May 25, 2016

How I'm Liking New York City: The Truth

Whenever people ask me how I'm liking living in New York City, the only thing that comes to my mind is: it's a rollercoaster. There are some things that I am scared of and hate, and there are some things that I love and couldn't live without. It's constantly up and down. 

My life in Utah was comparable to riding a Merry-Go-Round. It was nice and safe, never full of too much excitement. While living in Utah, I became really anxious and depressed and latched on to this idea that what I wanted most was to move to New York City. However, now that I am here I realize I don't necessarily need to live in New York City to be happy. I just know that Utah isn't a good fit with my personality and lifestyle. At one point in your life (yes, I mean you), you have stood somewhere and said the words, "I like this, but I could never live here." That's how I feel about Utah, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. 

The more I explore different cities and towns, the more I realize there are a variety of places I could be happy and make a home. I mean, sure, I could be happy in New York City. But, I could also be happy in Hoboken, with all the cute streets and shops. Or Spokane, with the beautiful evergreen trees and granola lifestyle. Or even California, with all of the camping and beaches. 

I think ultimately what's important to me is being somewhere that I can make my own. Somewhere that no one has been before, where I can start my own traditions and my own lifestyle. I want to live a life without any maps or tour guides and figure things out for myself. It's definitely outside my comfort zone, but I feel like there is some sort of poetic beauty that occurs when you push yourself further than you thought you could. 

I don't know if we'll live in New York City forever. I don't even know if we'll live here while I go to graduate school. But, I do know that our time in New York City will be something we'll always treasure. We moved here as a couple of kids, but we will leave as real, grown-up adults. 

And that to me, makes it worth it.

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P.S. All photos are from my day trip to Hoboken.

Friday, October 16, 2015

Like A Dog In A Cage

We are now coming into Cageville where the weather is approximately 1964 degrees with no chance of rain. We hope you enjoy your enternity here. We know you have a lot of choices when choosing an end, so we thank you for choosing Double Steel. Have a great day!

Woof, woof.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

4 12 2013

I want to write about atheism and high school friendships, but it’s not the right time anymore and it never will be again.

People change and opinions change and cars change and then you realize that the thing that’s changed the most out of everything is you. You hear your own words repeated back to you and they are just as foreign as Don Quichotte à Dulcinée, and not nearly as beautiful.

Atheism comes back and you think about it being applicable to your life and it fits about as well as John Coffey walking the green mile, and it’s about the same message, too. Things happen when you play The Sims in 6th grade and when you walk down the hall in your freshman year of college and they are complete opposites, but they have something in common: divine intervention. And you know what, maybe me attributing things to a higher power makes me some sort of idiot child, but I’d prefer to live my life thinking that things have a purpose and I have a purpose than spending it running away and being scared. 

I mean, that’s just my opinion. You can have whatever one you’d like and our relationship will most likely stay the same. It’s just that I don’t want to hear what you think, because it’s not going to change my mind. It’s just going to change my opinion of you.

Be who you want to be, and I’ll do the same. 
There’s no reason to try to combine.
It’s just not possible.

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Tuesday, March 26, 2013

3 26 2013

Well, apparently my past posts got deleted somehow, so instead I will leave you with some poetry I found from high school.

Grow your own heart.
Soak it in gold.
Lock it away. 
Do what you’re told.

Make your own soul. 
Inhale bright blue.
Savor the scene.
Forget what to do.

Raise your own eyes.
Spill out the pain.
Retry just once.
See what you gain.

Write down your words.
Let hands unwind.
Lose haunting fear.
Maybe they’ll mind.

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Friday, February 15, 2013

2 15 2013

It’s getting easier for me to tell people I don’t love them.

I imagine flying through space to be something like driving through a snowstorm at 2:14 am.

I imagine 2:14 am to be something like heaven.

If I concentrate on the wall hard enough, I can almost remember a time when me and that one boy were friends. 

If the wall concentrates on me hard enough, it can almost become the floor.

Like, this is some sort of dream.
Only I’m not committing suicide this time.
Very pristine, this night is.
Eventually it will end, but that shouldn’t foretell the future now, should it?

You know what this is about.
Only garbage that my mind is coughing up.
Underneath it all, it’s quite different now.

Is that too obvious?

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