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Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts

Everyone Must Belong Somewhere

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Every time I'm on an airplane I listen to Bright Eyes. Every time I listen to Bright Eyes I think a lot about where my life is and how far I am from where I want to be.

I don't know where I want to live when Jake is done with his MBA and we are ready to buy a house. I don't know if living in New York City is worth it if you don't have a car to explore all the beautiful places in the northeast. I don't know if it's worth it to live in a boring rural area if you can only take 2 trips a year.

Sometimes I think about all of this and I feel like I need to have it all figured out right now. It doesn't matter that I haven't even started my master's degree, or that Jake is still a year out from even applying to his MBA program. It just feels like I need to know where we are going to settle down.

But then I remember that I did move out of Utah. I did live in New York City over the summer, and even though it wasn't everything I thought it would be, it helped me learn what I want. I know I want a cute little house with a backyard for our Bernese Mountain Dog. I know I want a car so I can explore ever inch of my surroundings. I know I want to live next to a city so I can stay entertained. I know I want a lot of options for weekend trips and I want the to be affordable.

When I remember all of this I remember that I can get this in the northeast. I remember that I have already decided I want to live here forever. And even though that isn't a specific city or state, it's a specific area of the United States.

And it's one step closer to being settled than I was before.

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Life Outside Of Utah

Wednesday, September 21, 2016


Sorry if I've already posted this photo. I have this weird thing where I can't post just text and be ok with myself. #problems

I just wanted to jot down a few thoughts about my life outside of Utah so far, for the future me to look back on and reminisc. The feeling I have right now is a good feeling, and I don't ever want to forget it.

I moved to Utah when I was 2 and didn't move out until earlier this year. When I was 16 I started to get this itch to move. It's weird to think of how angsty and depressed I was for all those years, just imagining my life outside of Utah and feeling like it was so far away. And now here I am, all moved out and my thoughts are pretty much what I thought they would be.

It's been weird but good. When we first moved I was panicking about dumb stuff like safety and natural disasters. And I would talk to Jake like maybe we would move back to Utah. But now that we have been in our New England home for a month or so, I'm feeling a lot more settled.

Utah will always be an important part of my life, but I think it will always be my past. I just can't see myself living there again. I can't pinpoint exactly what it is. The best way I can think to describe it is I just feel like I am free to be myself here. No one and nothing in Utah ever told me I couldn't be myself, but I don't know. It just always felt like I couldn't.

It's weird too, because there are all these little things about Utah that I feel like I did realize were Utah-specific. Like, it's SO safe there. So so so safe. Also there aren't any natural disasters other than that crazy huge earthquake that is supposed to kill everyone. Everything is centered around the freeway pretty much. People are really nice and neighborly. Also it's really clean and new. Like all the trees are so baby because they were literally just planted within like the last ten years haha.

It's just a good place to live! Not for me, but for a lot of people. And now I feel like I can finally understand that.

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Now here I am, living in New England and finally obsessed with where I live. Don't get me wrong, I liked New York for a minute, but here we can afford to live in a luxury building. I'm finally going to the gym. I have my closet room back. We have a door on our bedroom and it's just good.

And we're traveling to all these places just over the weekend and it's so cool to me that everything here is so close. I mean I drove to Boston and back in a day?! Like what is this life I have where I can just wake up, go to Boston, and be home again before 10? And I can take a train into New York City for like an hour and a half? I don't know. It just feels like the world is at my fingertips at last.

I'm just really happy with where we are at. It feels so good to be making our own way and really sealin' the deal as a family unit. Even if we aren't here forever, I am so glad we are here for now. It feels like the perfect place for us to be.

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How I'm Liking New York City: The Truth

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Whenever people ask me how I'm liking living in New York City, the only thing that comes to my mind is: it's a rollercoaster. There are some things that I am scared of and hate, and there are some things that I love and couldn't live without. It's constantly up and down. 

My life in Utah was comparable to riding a Merry-Go-Round. It was nice and safe, never full of too much excitement. While living in Utah, I became really anxious and depressed and latched on to this idea that what I wanted most was to move to New York City. However, now that I am here I realize I don't necessarily need to live in New York City to be happy. I just know that Utah isn't a good fit with my personality and lifestyle. At one point in your life (yes, I mean you), you have stood somewhere and said the words, "I like this, but I could never live here." That's how I feel about Utah, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. 

The more I explore different cities and towns, the more I realize there are a variety of places I could be happy and make a home. I mean, sure, I could be happy in New York City. But, I could also be happy in Hoboken, with all the cute streets and shops. Or Spokane, with the beautiful evergreen trees and granola lifestyle. Or even California, with all of the camping and beaches. 

I think ultimately what's important to me is being somewhere that I can make my own. Somewhere that no one has been before, where I can start my own traditions and my own lifestyle. I want to live a life without any maps or tour guides and figure things out for myself. It's definitely outside my comfort zone, but I feel like there is some sort of poetic beauty that occurs when you push yourself further than you thought you could. 

I don't know if we'll live in New York City forever. I don't even know if we'll live here while I go to graduate school. But, I do know that our time in New York City will be something we'll always treasure. We moved here as a couple of kids, but we will leave as real, grown-up adults. 

And that to me, makes it worth it.

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P.S. All photos are from my day trip to Hoboken.

Like A Dog In A Cage

Friday, October 16, 2015

We are now coming into Cageville where the weather is approximately 1964 degrees with no chance of rain. We hope you enjoy your enternity here. We know you have a lot of choices when choosing an end, so we thank you for choosing Double Steel. Have a great day!

Woof, woof.

4 12 2013

Sunday, April 14, 2013

I want to write about atheism and high school friendships, but it’s not the right time anymore and it never will be again.

People change and opinions change and cars change and then you realize that the thing that’s changed the most out of everything is you. You hear your own words repeated back to you and they are just as foreign as Don Quichotte à Dulcinée, and not nearly as beautiful.

Atheism comes back and you think about it being applicable to your life and it fits about as well as John Coffey walking the green mile, and it’s about the same message, too. Things happen when you play The Sims in 6th grade and when you walk down the hall in your freshman year of college and they are complete opposites, but they have something in common: divine intervention. And you know what, maybe me attributing things to a higher power makes me some sort of idiot child, but I’d prefer to live my life thinking that things have a purpose and I have a purpose than spending it running away and being scared. 

I mean, that’s just my opinion. You can have whatever one you’d like and our relationship will most likely stay the same. It’s just that I don’t want to hear what you think, because it’s not going to change my mind. It’s just going to change my opinion of you.

Be who you want to be, and I’ll do the same. 
There’s no reason to try to combine.
It’s just not possible.

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